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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24331864">Rootless tree</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bucciaratissun/pseuds/bucciaratissun'>bucciaratissun</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Through fire and water [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Mob, Depression, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Force-Feeding, Minor Character Death, Possessive Behavior, Suicidal Thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:20:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,474</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24331864</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bucciaratissun/pseuds/bucciaratissun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When your mother was gone, it was never the same. Nothing made sense; nothing else mattered. Watching you wither by the day, Bucky was afraid you'd be gone, too.</p><p>Please consider the tags before reading.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Through fire and water [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1756606</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>106</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Rootless tree</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello everyone! I have to say that originally I planned a rather different plot, but with something traumatic happening to me I really need some writing therapy right now. I do apologize if it's not what you expected the sequel to be, but I hope you might like this story too. Thank you!</p><p>This is a sequel to The Hand That Feeds and I recommend you reading it before, but you will be able to understand the plot without prior reading as well.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Please, honey. I don’t want to shove the spoon down your throat.”</p><p>You looked at a porridge plate on the large mahogany table and stayed still. You were probably driving Bucky insane, not that it really mattered to you. </p><p>“Come on, you need to eat something. Your mother wouldn’t want to see you starving to death.” He was miraculously patient with you, sitting on the chair close to yours and taking a spoon into his hand. “She always wanted you to stay healthy, right?”</p><p>You let out a sigh. </p><p>“Does it matter now?” </p><p>Bucky’s face darkened once he heard you, sitting with empty eyes in the kitchen. Your mother had passed away a week ago after one year of therapy he payed for. When Boston clinic confirmed that there was no progress regardless of her favourable prognosis, he found a different hospital in Israel, but it didn’t change anything. You were never the same once you learnt the truth about her state.</p><p>You were much worse now since you didn’t have to hold on for her. She was gone, and Bucky was afraid you’d be gone soon too. </p><p>“It does. You are her only child.” He said patiently as if he was talking to a kid. “She wanted you to live happily, create a family, age, and see faces of your grandchildren. I know it’s tough to think about all of this now, but you need to try, honey. Don’t give up.”</p><p>Bucky brought the spoon with porridge close to your mouth, yet you did not part your lips. Over the last month you lost around ten pounds, and it was getting worse and worse with each day. When he arrived late in the evening you ate nothing since yesterday, as he figured out watching the cameras he installed in his house. In addition, your developing insomnia had taken a heavy toll on you. </p><p>Obviously, you were deeply depressed. Maybe you had bulimia too, Bucky wasn’t good with terminology. You needed a doctor. A therapy, maybe medication. Of course, you refused to go to any hospital and seek for help and Bucky just let you be, thinking you could manage it by yourself, but it was his mistake. He needed to bring you to the doctor even if he would have to drag you there with his own hands.</p><p>“It doesn’t matter if I give up or not. She won’t be there to see.” You stared at the shiny tabletop blankly. “If she’s not with me, nothing else matters.”</p><p>“I’m with you, love.” Bucky growled at you; his patience was wearing thin. “For better and for worse. I am your family, did you forget? I’ll help you to go through this, and one day you’ll get better. We’ll have kids together, we’ll see them grow, and you’d be a good mom to them as your mother was to you. That’s what she wanted.”</p><p>He did not like to hear you suddenly laughing at his words. You shook your head and turned your pale face to him, finally. </p><p>“Don’t you understand?” You asked dryly. “I went to you to save my mother. <i>I sold myself</i> so she could survive. This was the whole point to get stuck with you, with Scorpions, with all this shit. But it was all for nothing. I could have asked you to give me your revolver and shoot her myself. Nothing would have changed.” </p><p>He had never expected to hear so much aggression, fury and bitterness hidden in your voice. You had never spat your venom on him like you did now in utter desperation and anger, not afraid of a punishment that could follow. It was like the whole world stopped existing for you. </p><p>He didn’t like it. He didn’t like the way you looked at him, bold and determined and tired of everything you went through with him. Bucky knew your submission was bought with the treatment of your mother, but as the time went on, he thought you had grown attached to him. You no longer avoided his presence; you let him have his way with you in bed; you behaved as he expected of you in front of his people. Bucky thought you had finally accepted your place at his side, but he proved to be insanely naive.</p><p>“You went to me to give your mother a chance.” </p><p>No, he couldn’t lose his temper. Whatever you thought or said, it did not matter to him because you were not ok. You were not in your right mind. You were sick. His pride could take those venomous words if it meant avoiding the conflict and your final emotional breakdown. You deserved to be treated kindly, with love and respect. What kind of a fiancée would he be if he threatened and scared you in times you needed him most? </p><p>Gently reaching for your cold hands, he carefully rubbed them in his huge palms to warm you up. You did not shake Bucky off and just watched him with weariness. </p><p>“You are no God, and neither am I. You did what you could for her, sweetheart.” He thought of a bowl of already cold porridge and kissed your knuckles, watching your expression turn painful and even more sad than before. “It’s not up to us to decide who stays and who goes. Maybe I’ll die in a year. Maybe you’ll do. In the end, we all end up there, don’t we? We’re nothing but human, fragile and weak. What matters is what we do when we still can, what’s left after we’re gone.”</p><p>Tears were streaming down your bloated face, dark circles and sallow skin making it obvious how anxious and exhausted you were. You didn’t want to believe Bucky’s words, but he only said what was evident. Yes, you were thinking of committing suicide right after you learnt of the issues with the therapy. You wanted to jump off the bridge, have an overdose of sleeping pills, drown in the river, shoot yourself with Bucky’s gun… But he was right. All of you would die anyway. Considering the life you led, you had much higher chances to die young comparing to an average woman of your age.</p><p>“Listen, I want nothing more than to love you. Don’t you think that before departing you deserve to feel some love? To be taken care of? To live a good life? You didn’t have much of it, sweetheart.” Taking your hair out of your face, he kissed your forehead, pressing his soft, chapped lips to your skin tenderly. “I can give it to you if you stay strong, dear. I’m not asking much, am I?”</p><p>You shook your head slowly like a child and closed your eyes when he kissed your temple.</p><p>“That’s right, sweetheart. You just need to hold on before I figure out how can I help you. Then it’ll be alright. We’ll have a proper family. We’ll have children, and you’ll love them more than anyone else in the world. Probably more than me, but I’m perfectly ok with it.” He chuckled quietly, and you leant close to him, wrapping your arms around his neck. “We’ll have a beautiful life together, I promise. You just hold on for me, yeah?”</p><p>Once you put your head on his broad shoulder, you discovered that your face was already dry and smiled awkwardly. Although Bucky had never been good with soothing words – his specialty was something completely opposite – you suddenly felt a bit better. Maybe he was right. Maybe you needed to wait a bit, to let these toxic, unhealthy thoughts go, so you could see if this life still had something good for you. </p><p>Anyway, you could always jump off the bridge. Waiting a bit to discover what Bucky meant by a beautiful life could be worth your time.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Your voice sounded weak as if you were crying the whole day, but he was happy to hear your answer, nonetheless. Gently caressing your hair, Bucky kissed you on the top of your head.</p><p>“That’s good, honey. You’re gonna be alright. Will you eat a little bit now, please? If you don’t want porridge, just tell me what you would like.” He grinned, cuddling with you and stroking your hair. God, he couldn’t believe he was able to talk some sense into you. “Wanna have some pizza, maybe? Cesar salad? Oh, I know, I’ll order that shrimp soup you love. Do you want it, honey?”</p><p>“Yeah. The soup sounds nice.”</p><p>Funny you didn’t see Bucky breaking into a cold sweat when he tried to sound so calm and confident, convincing you not to give up. He didn’t even want to think what he would do if you still refused eating. Did you ever think what you meant to him? </p><p>If you were gone, he would consider shooting himself, too.</p>
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